I'm sure life can be worse. But why can't mine be better?

Guess I'm just a typical spoilt urban being thinking life can only be creamy.

If I say I'm not an extremely happy person because my happines is dependant on others. And because what others have done or not done have made me lesser happy, am I blaming others? It's just not right.

Much as others have made me upset at times, they have made me happy too. I have made others upset and happy (I hope) too. Ultimately, guess we need to have faith in one another, in our close ones, to go through bad times especially. But will one lose so much faith as to realise all is not worth it? Faith needs 10 times as much strength to support. What then is the limit of one's strength?

Unpleasant things (plural) have been happening to me that I thought to seek spiritual support. Not that I am superstitious if you know me. But when you are desperate, you hope to have some kind of assurance in life or maybe you can call it hope. Also, I dunno which way to go. In any case, you don't go there hoping for your prayers to be answered if you only go there in times of need.

And then I remember, when I pray for strength, I'm given challenges in life to strengthen myself. ouch. That's not what I want.

That's why we have family and friends in life. Close ones whom we cultivate the kind of relationship with throughout the years whom we can turn to when we need a shoulder to cry on, when we want to announce our marriage.

After so much rubbish, now what?